Dearest Kristen

by Todd R Fussell

I can't take it any more. Your driving me insane. I think of you ever morning when I awaken and it doesn't stop there. No, the spell you have cast on me makes me think of you every hour and ever minute of every day. I think of you before I sleep and even then I am not safe. you sneak into my dreams. And you haunt me there. Your hair is like rays of golden sunlight spilling down your back. Your eyes so blue they are like pools of the clearest and purest waters piercing through me into my soul and reading my innermost thoughts. Your smile is like a thousand spring mornings when the sun first comes up over the horizon and blesses the land with its light; you warm me like the sun when your smile falls upon my face. I would just like to hold you in my arms for hours and let you envelop me in your warmth. When I first noticed your beauty I was so taken aback I had to sit down and ever since that time you have haunted my thoughts with your beautiful smile and the sound of your voice. Every time I see you in the hall it is more of an effort to keep my breathing regular and keep from weeping from your sheer beauty and thanking the lord for ever letting me meet you. Every little thing you do is an amazement to me and I just want to sit and watch you for hours. And yet since I had someone ask what you thought of me my life has been going down hill. "I just like him as a friend" is what you said and with those words you drove a sword into my heart and left it there. Now every time I see you, you seem to avoid me and avoid my advances and even talking to me and every time you do that you just twist the sword in my heart deeper. It hasn't been the same between us since. Despite the amount I care for you, you care every bit less and that hurts so much sometimes I can't even eat or sleep for the pain and longing in my heart. For instance when we were at dinner with friends Saturday, when I went to greet you, you hardly cared enough to say hello and all I could see was you laughing and shoving the sword ever deeper. From then on during the party you avoided talking to me and shoved it forever deeper. Do you know how much that hurts me inside? Well the only 'good' thing it did was give me the most aggression I have ever had on the basketball court, and for the first time in ten years of playing basketball in a league - I fouled out. I was so mad at everything. That night at the dinner table all I did was just slump and stare at my food getting cold as you have made my heart. I did not eat anything, for the pain deep within my stomach and in my heart. When my friends came over later and tried to cheer me up because I was so down it didn't work because all I could think about was you and the pain. How can someone care for you so much and you just cause pain such sharp biting pain in my heart. What happened to us were you just toying with me? trying to make me think I had a chance and then just watch me wither and die over you? Well I'm not going to let you do that to me anymore if that's the way you're going to be then I will give up all hope. and move on with my life because no one thinks you are worth it and I'm starting to agree with them because you were ruining my life. But no more will I endure this pain. I can't. It's making everyone upset and worried for me. Yes, the people that really care about me, you won't take them away from me because I'm being so damn depressed. I'm writing this just to tell you how I feel and say this is your last chance because as much as I care for you and about you, you will not ruin my life any more. I will treat you like a queen, and will expect only that you love me in return. I almost already love you but not any more I did and I can again. Last chance, my dear. I just think I can't go on like this.

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